


Scare Story

by MrsHamill



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Kiss, Holidays, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-18
Updated: 2006-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 11:56:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6050731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsHamill/pseuds/MrsHamill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John tries to get Rodney's attention by scaring him. It doesn't work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scare Story

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the SGA Flashfic's Hallowe'en challenge. Yes, it's supposed to be spelled Hallowe'en, honest. Thanks to Susan and Christi for looking it over, but all mistakes left are mine and may be taken out and shot.

It started in the mess hall.

Hallowe'en was fast approaching and John felt like bouncing; fall was his favorite time of year -- okay, so it wasn't really fall on Atlantis, who cared? It was the _thought_ that counted -- and Hallowe'en was his favorite holiday. It had been since he was a kid dressing up and going door-to-door for treats. He really needed to get someone to help him decorate around the city, orange and black streamers, skeletons and hey, maybe the botanists had come up with a few pumpkins on the mainland. That'd be cool.

Rodney, Teyla and Ronon were already in the mess eating breakfast when he came in; he plopped his tray down next to Ronon and across from Teyla. "Hey, Teyla! Are we going to bring the kids over for Hallowe'en again? Less than a week to go, you know."

Teyla gave him a long-suffering look. "I do not think the children would allow us to do otherwise, John," she said. "I am reasonably certain that Jinto would commandeer a boat or swim to Atlantis if we did not bring him on a jumper. Though I believe their parents are still a bit..."

"Pissed off?" Rodney supplied, smirking.

"That may be too harsh an assessment," Teyla replied. "But they are not happy with the entire event and the candy that goes along with it."

"Oh, come on," John said, pouting. Teyla could barely resist The Pout. "It's only one day a year and candy's good for kids. Makes them grow up tall and strong."

"Puts hair on their chests, even the girls," Rodney said, shaking his head. "Oh, joy, another night of kids dressed in weird costumes demanding candy from everyone they meet. Please try to keep the little terrorists away from the labs, Teyla, it took three days to undo the damage last time."

Ignoring him, John continued. "And for the party? I finally managed to score a copy of _The Grudge_ for 'em to watch. You just wait, _that'll_ scare them."

"You're going to show little kids _The Grudge_?" Rodney said, appalled. "What's that rated, R?"

"It's PG-13!" John said. "At least, I think it is. Anyway, it's hard to scare Athosian kids, okay? We went through the entire _Friday the Thirteenth_ franchise and there wasn't a single nightmare from it. Right, Teyla?"

Long-suffering didn't even begin to describe it. "That is correct, Colonel."

" _The Grudge_ is an order of magnitude worse," Rodney continued to bitch. "Gruesome and disgusting to a horrible degree, and if you take into account that it's a virtual impossibility to have a vacant house in _Tokyo_ for God's sake, it's--"

"It's not as bad as the _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_ , Rodney, which was my first pick," John interrupted. He gave Rodney his best smirk, one reserved only for him. "You're just mad because you're too scared to watch it. Them. Either of them." 

"Scared?" Rodney's voice went from confused to incredulous in about one second flat. " _Scared_? Are you out of what passes for your mind? We've been living in another galaxy, been chased by _space vampires_ who want to _eat us_ for more than three years and you think I'm scared of a ridiculous, hare-brained movie starring a girl who used to be a _vampire slayer_? Please!"

"I dare you to watch it with me. I double dog dare you."

Rodney glared at him. "You really are thirteen, aren't you? Why would I want to watch that stupid movie again? I saw it when we were in Colorado last, and it wasn't scary in the least, just gross and unrealistic."

John blinked in surprise. "You saw it already? And it didn't scare you out of your mind?" He was peripherally aware that Teyla and Ronon were watching the two of them bicker, heads moving back and forth as if they were at a tennis match.

"Is there an echo in here? That _is_ what I said." Rodney stuffed the last of his muffin in his mouth, washing it down with coffee. "As if I could actually be scared of anything after living in the shadow of the Wraith, which, by the way, is the main reason why you'll never be able to scare the Athosian kids."

"You're not scared of anything but the Wraith?" Ronon asked, surprised.

"I think the Wraith are about as scary as scary can get," Rodney replied, and that was either his impatient voice or his duh! voice, John wasn't sure. "I mean, you tell me! Are you scared of anything except Wraith?"

Ronon sat back in his chair, frowning in thought. 

"Don't hurt yourself, there, Conan," Rodney added, and that was the snide voice.

Ignoring Rodney, Ronon said, "I don't think I'm afraid of the Wraith any more," he said. "Not since Sateda, anyway."

"Really?" John asked. Even Teyla had lifted the Eyebrow of Doom on that pronouncement. 

"Yeah. Hadn't really thought about it, but yeah."

"So, what _does_ scare you?" John asked, lifting his mug for a sip of coffee.

"Being locked up with McKay," Ronon replied, immediately. 

John came close to squirting coffee out his nose at that. Teyla began laughing and tried to hide it behind her napkin. Rodney just looked annoyed.

"Oh, har-de-har-har," he said. "You slay me."

"Gotta admit," John said, once he'd managed to keep his coffee where it was supposed to be, "that's pretty much my worst nightmare too."

Rodney gave him a withering glance. "Oh, yeah, right. Like you don't have nightmares about that bug attached to your neck. Or--"

"Okay, okay," John said, raising his hands before Rodney could go through the litany of what scared John. "I concede I'm scared of several things -- not the least of which is being trapped with you in a small, enclosed space -- but I still say you're scared of more than you're letting on. You  live your _life_ afraid, Rodney."

Rodney rolled his eyes heavenward and shook his head. "No, I live my life _anticipating_ , Colonel. I _know_ scary things are coming, it's a probability approaching unity. Anticipating them takes all the scare factor out of them. Hence, un-scarable." Rodney smiled, the smug one John really disliked.

"No way, McKay," John replied. "I don't believe you're only scared of the Wraith."

"Believe what you want, Colonel, the facts are irrefutable." He glanced at his watch and stood. "I'm due in the lab, have a simulation running. Not that this hasn't been fun, because it hasn't." He hustled out of the mess hall, heading for the transporter.

"I do not believe he's only scared of Wraith." John watched Rodney go, a frown on his face.

"Could be true," Ronon rumbled, shoveling the last of his omelet into his mouth.

John was going to have to take a page from Rodney's book and test that hypothesis.

* * *

Okay, so. Scary, John thought. What was scary? Ghosts were scary, and those were about at the base of a list of Things That Were Scary. 

Hey, maybe he could dress up like a huge, walking lemon and...

Nah. Too obvious. Ghosts were scary, by definition. And it didn't take long to set up a haunting. He'd helped in  a 'haunted house' for some charity when he was in college one Hallowe'en. He'd learned how to use the mirror reflected to the glass thing, where it looked like you were transparent. Setting it up in Rodney's lab was quick (hiding it was harder); all he had to do was wait until Rodney worked late and was all alone in the lab, which was Rodney's default setting, so that was easy.

It was dead silent in the lab when John turned on the light that would illuminate him, then he began waving his arms around and moving closer and farther away, waiting for Rodney to notice him out of the corner of his eye. Rodney finally looked up, frowned and turned his head so he could see John, then sighed.

"Colonel, can't you see I'm busy? Go play with someone closer in age to you, please."

Well, that sucked. Maybe the sheet gave him away.

* * *

Okay, so ghosts were a little obvious. Psychos were scary, psychos with large, sharp knives were especially scary -- though it was too bad no one had brought any chainsaws to Atlantis. After giving it a little thought, John put on a hockey mask (hey, it worked for Jason Voorhees), got into McKay's room and set the lights so they wouldn't come on automatically when Rodney entered. He was pretty sure he could get them to come on slowly, while he menacingly stalked McKay. Yeah, this one was going to work.

Except McKay didn't come home from the labs until it was some ungodly hour, and John had kind of fallen asleep on the chair, waiting. He snapped awake when Rodney stumbled over something and cussed because the lights were out, thank goodness. John leapt to his feet, held his fake knife up in one hand and as the lights slowly came up, he slowly approached, trying his best to be frightening. 

Rodney turned around and his eyes widened then narrowed. "Colonel. I thought I told you to go play with someone your own age?"

Determined to scare Rodney, John didn't speak, just kept slowly approaching.

"Oh, for God's sake." Rodney put his hands on his hips and glared. "Number one, that movie sucked like a sucking thing -- it was only created to make money and blood flow from half-naked bimbettes. Number two, if you were a real homicidal maniac, you wouldn't be on Atlantis since I am part of the approval committee on new personnel and you would have been screened out -- well, unless you're a Marine, I guess, they're all crazy. And third, but most important, if you were actually a crazy person with a knife out to kill me, all I'd have to do is this." Rodney drew his nine mil and pointed it at John, who stopped. "Since we both know how lousy I am at firearms, it might not be a good idea to stick around further. I might shoot you completely by accident. Colonel."

God _damn_ it. John dropped his arm holding the knife and sighed. 

"Go home and go to bed, Colonel."

Tucking his metaphorical tail between his legs, John walked out. "It did not suck," he shot as he crossed the threshold.

"Yes, it did. Go."

There had to be _something_. It was getting ridiculous.

* * *

John persevered; he had set himself a goal -- to scare Rodney -- and by God he'd reach it. He figured blood, guts and gore usually worked, at least on most people, and looking like he'd been stabbed through the chest would be good too. He'd throw in an optional 'boo' as well. So John doused himself in ketchup and waited for Rodney to pass by a particular alcove on his way to the labs.

He could actually tell which were Rodney's footsteps -- how lame was that? -- and timed it so he would leap out just as Rodney passed, shouting inarticulately and staggering like he was dying. 

Rodney yelled and jumped back, his hand going to his thigh holster. Ah-HAH, John thought, sliding down the wall and leaving a trail of ketchup. Gotcha.

"What is the matter with you?!" Rodney yelled. "If I'd been carrying my laptop, I would have dropped it and _you_ would have had to pay for the replacement!"

"I got you," John said, smiling triumphantly. "Scared the pee out of you, didn't I?"

Rodney gaped at him. "How did you ever make it through Officer's School when you're obviously a raving lunatic? No, you didn't scare me, you _startled_ me by _jumping out at me_ and there's a substantial difference!" He paused, sniffing, then wrinkled up his nose. "What the hell is that... is that _ketchup_? My God, you're a moron."

"What? It looks like blood." John pointed to the handle of what used to be the large (fake) knife he'd used earlier. He'd removed the 'blade' and stuck the handle on his shirt with superglue, then drowned the area in ketchup. It was pretty damned convincing, if he did say so himself.

Giving him a disgusted look, Rodney said, "Go shower, Colonel. And quit trying to scare me, you're getting more pathetic by the hour."

Rodney stomped off in a huff and John hauled himself to his feet, sending a dirty look after Rodney. He had so scared Rodney. He had, he thought. Well, crap. Okay, he hadn't. Dammit.

* * *

John tried insects next. Thing was, he obviously couldn't use _real_ ones, and the fake ones were just a little... too fake. Rodney must have recognized them straight away because they were in John's bed the next night -- along with one large, live one and John did _not_ shriek like a girl when he saw it. 

He gave brief thought to using a fog machine and faking some kind of contagion, but then he flashed back to the nanite infection and decided against it. He was still trying to come up with another way to scare Rodney when they got assigned a mission to a world that was apparently not inhabited but had a lot of volcanism and possibly a vein of naquadah. The original team, SGA-4, also reported a strange power source and that was enough for Rodney.

"We've got to find it," he told Elizabeth. "The readings Parrish took were nearly off the scale. It may be some kind of geothermal tap but..."

"Fine, Rodney," Elizabeth said, smiling. "You've sold me. Gear up and take off. John, you won't be able to take a jumper because the gate is set a bit too low."

John was nodding over the report. "Yeah, I can see that. Let's take a MALP loaded with supplies, including some hazmat suits, just in case."

"Oh, and don't forget your rubber knife and hockey mask," Rodney added snidely. 

Elizabeth was in the process of rising when Rodney spoke. She froze, blinked and looked between them. "Do I even want to ask?" she said, looking at Teyla.

Teyla sighed and closed her eyes. John got the impression she would have banged her forehead on the table if she could have done it elegantly. "No," she replied.

* * *

M9X-887 was no vacation spot, that was for sure. There was no vegetation in sight: the view from the small ridge where they stood looked like the moon -- all harsh angles, shiny black stone that John thought was cooled magma, and tall, smoking mountains in the distance. No water. There had to be plant life somewhere, though, because the atmosphere was breathable, and maybe an ocean, somewhere, but they wouldn't be able to find it without a jumper, and the position of the stargate precluded that.

The stargate was set up on a ridge of rock, partially sunken into it. "It's basalt," Rodney said in passing, after Ronon turned and asked. "That's volcanic rock. Naquadah can withstand temperatures far beyond what basalt can tolerate, so the stone probably melted at some point in time, half-burying the 'gate under its own weight."

"Cool," Ronon said, looking impressed. John felt the same way, though he'd be damned if he'd admit it to Rodney.

"The power source reads this way," Rodney said, distracted by whatever he was seeing on his tablet. "There's a lot of geothermal activity too, an impressive amount, actually, considering this is a moon."

John had to steer Rodney around various dangerous things since Rodney refused to look up, as usual. Rodney could be completely oblivious of everything when he was concentrating on something. Ronon and Teyla watched their backs, on the lookout for anything unusual, but John had a feeling the world wasn't inhabited by anything larger than a chunk of plankton or some weird mosses.

Eventually, they made it over a ridge and down into a valley. Beneath them was an opening in the hillside. "That's too regular to be natural," John said, mostly to himself.

"It does seem to be artificial," Teyla said, nodding. 

"The energy readings are coming from there," Rodney said, finally looking up. "Hey, where are we? How far have we come?"

"Relax, Rodney, the 'gate is just over the ridge behind us. I guess we're going in?" John said.

"Oh. Okay, yes." 

"Wait, please, until we can do a little recon." John pulled out the life signs detector and moved close to the entrance, but not in it. 

"What? No, it's fine, there's a stable power source in there," Rodney said, scowling. "I've got more advanced sensors than you, and I say it's fine."

"Rodney, wait," John said, putting one hand out to stop McKay. "The ground could be unstable, there could be vents of gas, there could be--"

But Rodney made a disgusted face and walked into the cave anyway, forcing John to follow him. "Hold our six, you two," he said as he entered. Once well inside, he tapped his radio. "Teyla, Ronon, radio check. You copy?"

"Yes, Colonel, you are coming through fine," came Teyla's reply. Good, so there wasn't anything that would interfere with signals.

The cave mouth led to a tunnel that was definitely not natural. There were areas where rock had protruded into the tunnel, which just pointed out how unnatural it all was. Rodney was ahead and John hurried to catch up. "Rodney!"

"What? Oh... yes!" 

Just as Rodney spoke, John burst out of the tunnel into a room that was clearly Ancient in design. "What the hell?"

"It's a lab of some kind, a place to test... yes! Geothermal energy, the making and shaping of it, and if I'm not mistaken -- and I seldom am -- there is a device with at least as much energy output to it as a ZedPM, somewhere..."

It was a sickness, John thought, Rodney's curiosity. How many times had things blown up in his face? But he still kept on exploring, touching things he shouldn't be touching... "Rodney. Stop." 

Rodney turned an irritated expression on John. "What?"

"We need more people here, there could be hidden traps, there could be problems waiting to--"

"Yes, yes, of course we do, but first I want to see if I can..."

"Rodney! You're not following proper procedure!" 

With a snort, Rodney continued on puttering around, brushing the dust of what was probably centuries off the consoles, which were beginning to light up. "I know what I'm doing, Colonel. In fact... come here. I want you to touch this console for me."

John reached out to grab Rodney, ready to drag him out of the cave and back to the 'gate, but Rodney pulled away from him, escaped his grasp. John lost his balance and grabbed the console to steady himself, which is when the blue energy snapped out of it and everything -- cave, tunnel and Rodney -- went black.

* * *

Slowly, John regained consciousness. He had a massive headache and his mouth felt like a camel had spit into it and, he immediately discovered, he couldn't move. It felt almost like he was frozen, or maybe rusted solid. Slowly, a low, familiar voice impinged on his throbbing head.

"...I'll kill you, you know, if you're just faking it, trying to scare me... dammit, it worked, I'm scared, okay? I can't even tell if you're still alive, but you have to be alive... you hit your head so hard, I wanted to... tried to catch you, but you went down so damn fast..." It was Rodney's voice and it was in Full Panic Mode. John tried to move, to speak, to reassure, but he couldn't. 

"Please don't be dead, Colonel, please give me one of those stupid smirks which make me alternately want to slug you and kiss you, I know you've got more lives than a cat but please just have a few more, please... I never even got to tell you how I feel, and now..."

It was weird, like his whole body was stiff, frozen, immobile. And while it was kinda neat to eavesdrop on Rodney... Wait. Rodney wanted to kiss him?

"They'll be back any second, with a full med team, and this was all my fault, God, I'm so sorry, John..."

And that had to be the first time he'd ever heard Rodney call him by his name. Huh.

"I should have waited, should have followed proper procedure, but I was too excited, wanted to find stuff out _now_ , like usual, instead of waiting, and please, please don't be dead, or dying, or... please..."

Feeling was gradually seeping in, and John thought he might be lying down with his head in Rodney's lap. It was hard to tell without opening his eyes, and that was beyond him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're scaring me, you really are, I can barely feel your pulse, you're hardly   breathing and I know that's bad, please wake up, please..."

Oh, yeah, pins and needles, like waking up after being hit by a Wraith stunner. His muscles started to jump slightly, but he still couldn't lift his eyelids. The only place warm on him was his head; well, that and his cheek, so he thought Rodney must be touching it. He made a tremendous effort and managed to squeeze a grunt out of his esophagus.

"Colonel? John? Is that you? Are you waking up?" As Rodney spoke (dumb questions, of course that was him, who else was in the cave with them?), John heard a commotion from far away, probably in the tunnel. "We're over here!" Rodney suddenly shouted, and John flinched. Involuntary movement! Yay!

John took as deep a breath as he could and tried to speak. It took him a couple of tries, but he finally managed to mumble, "Oil... can..."

* * *

It was cool in the infirmary but he had two heated blankets over him, which was pure bliss. The muscle spasms were beginning to fade and John could open his eyes and mouth and he could feel his extremities again. As he nestled under the blankets with a sigh, he heard Rodney come in. 

John smiled to hear Rodney demanding an update on John's condition from Carson, who began telling Rodney everything he'd just told John. It was mostly the same old same old -- stunned, no nerve damage, no muscle damage, very slight concussion from hitting his head (but the headache was fading), should be fine by the evening, yadda yadda. John opened his eyes as he heard Rodney approach. "Hey, Meredith," he drawled.

Rodney gave him a narrow-eyed glare. "Don't you even start with me."

"Start what?" John asked, trying and failing to keep the smirk off his face. "I guess I finally found something else that scares you, huh?"

To his surprise, Rodney grew pale and he pressed his lips firmly together. "Don't joke about that. Just don't. And if you ever die on me, if you ever do anything like that again, know that I'll follow you to hell just to kick your ass back so _I_ can kill you all over again."

The funny thing was, John could tell he was perfectly serious. Which was pretty damn cool. He let the smirk morph into a genuine smile. "I'll do my best, Rodney," he said. "Really."

Rodney looked at him suspiciously. "You're just saying that, aren't you?"

John shook his head. "No, Rodney. I'm not just saying that. And I'd really like to hear how you feel about me, because I have a feeling it might be about the same as I feel about you." It was a good thing that John was still on muscle relaxants or he might never have been able to let that just roll off his tongue. Flexeril was the bomb, in so many ways.

"Really?" Rodney looked hopeful but suspicious too.

"Really. C'mere." His arms were still a bit shaky but his hands were able to catch hold of Rodney's shirt and pull him down. From there it was easy to plant a good, pretty sweet first kiss on the guy. Once he let go of Rodney's shirt, John could sit back and enjoy the stunned bunny expression on Rodney's face.

"Wow," Rodney said. "Considering you're still partially paralyzed... that was..."

"The best kiss you've ever gotten?" John smirked.

"Pretty good for a first kiss," Rodney countered, but John could tell he was touched. 

John opened his mouth to object, then closed it again. He really didn't want to get into it.

"This isn't one of those 'I'm so glad I'm alive let's fuck' things, is it?" Rodney asked, the shadows of hesitancy in his eyes and his voice.

"No, Rodney." John sighed. "It's real. It just took you far too long to recognize it."

"Did not."

"Did too! Christ, you're slow."

" _I'm_ slow?" Rodney blinked down at him, all outraged indignation. "You're the one who's been trying and failing to scare me for the past week and now that you've succeeded, bear in mind my previous words and never, ever do that again."

"What, scare you?" Rodney scowled but before he could speak, John added, "Thing is, I think we've reached the very scariest place possible for two human males."

Rodney's incipient snit was derailed. "Huh? What?"

John dropped his voice to a lower register and tried to be scary with it -- man, it sucked being a tenor. "We've become... those guys."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "What? What are you talking about?"

"Guys who talk about their... feelings. You know."

John could see the dawning comprehension and terror grow on Rodney's face. "Oh, my God... you mean... we're in... we're in a..."

"Yes, Rodney." John nodded somberly. "We're now actually _in a relationship_."

Rodney staggered, his hand over his chest. "Oh, I am dying of a heart attack over the thought of being in a relationship with a... with a..." He frowned and looked down at John. "What are you, anyway? A guy or a hedgehog?"

"I'm going to ignore that comment," John said with a narrow-eyed stare that bounced right off Rodney. "I _will_ be out of here by tonight, you know, so you'd better be ready," John said as Rodney turned to go.

"You know where to find me," Rodney replied, waving one hand vaguely behind him as he left the infirmary.

John settled back on his bed. Yeah, he knew where to find Rodney, which, upon reflection, was pretty damn scary. But, overall, not quite as frightening as the thought of having Meredith Rodney McKay as his boyfriend.

end


End file.
